11.19.2008

Jealousy the ugly green monster

Oh boy, have the tables turned around here. Ellie has been with us now for 16 months. As you may recall Braydon and Ellie got off to a rocky start. Since this school year started they have found common ground and have begun to become good friends. (Thank goodness)


Lila and Ellie on the other hand have been tight from the beginning. Like two peas in a pod. Lila looks up to her big sister. Ellie looked to Lila for help with her transition into this family. It has been all going real well...until now.

Holy cow, where do I begin? From time to time Lila has small bouts of abandonment issues. She will go through phases where she is very insecure about us leaving her or she will have nightmares about being taken from us. Totally normal, since she had a very tramatic time leaving her foster parents.

She has not always been good at verbalizing these fears. It has made it hard to pinpoint what these fears were for along time. She has always been one to keep it inside and has a hard time verbalizing her feelings.

Over the past few weeks I thought she was going through one of these spells. She had a couple of nightmares and one that even brought her into our bed. Kids in our bed never happens around here. We always go to their room for comforting. (That's another topic)

Anyway, the other morning I woke the kids up for school. And like I always do, I went downstairs to fix breakfast. Ellie happened to come out for her room as I was walking down the stairs. We held hands as she walked down the stairs with me. Lila was not far behind. I turned to ask Lila if she had good sleep. BIG tears.

I asked her several times what is wrong. Still nothing but tears and shoulder shrugs. (I despise shoulder shrugs) Finally she tells me I left her upstairs. Huh? This goes on, all of breakfast, dressing, and teeth brushing.

I pull her aside to find out why this was so upsetting. Well, the truth rears it's ugly head...I held Ellie's hand. I know shocking!

I tell her that I have held her hand a million times down the stairs and I will do it a million more, it just happened to be Ellie's turn. I also assure her that I love her and Ellie the same and that Ellie needs love too. And that is not being a very nice sister if you are not wanting to share my love with her sister. Blah, Blah, Blah. The crying is still going and going.

I firmly tell her this is enough and she needs to stop crying before school. I get her calm enough for school. Walk her to class, so I can explain to the teacher why she has blood shot eyes and is still hyperventilating.

She makes it through the school day with no more drama. Thank goodness again.

Next morning...I did it again. This time I gave Ellie her juice first, patted her on the head, and asked her if she wanted a turkey sandwich in her lunch. It was like the movie Groundhog Day. The crying began all over again.

Somebody call the authorities.

I really never thought it would be Lila jealous of Ellie. I admit, Ellie and I had a rough start. But, (not to jinx it) Things have been good. We are finding our groove.

Was it okay for Lila when Ellie was getting in trouble? Is she upset because she has found herself getting in trouble more and she feels like she is not the princess anymore? Why has it taken 16 months for it to sink in?

Maybe this is why fate never gave me a sister. They are only 9 and 5. What is going to happen in the teen years. Wait, never mind, don't tell me.