8.16.2007


One month ago today we met our sweet Ellie for the first time. All of the waiting was over, she was a part of our family.....finally. She was a lot smaller then I had thought and way more outgoing and loud...not what we were told.
I have to say the whole meeting was very anti climatic. We both had anticipated this magical meeting. We walked into the civil affairs office ready to be introduced to our new little girl. As we entered the room, there she was, right in front of us. Wow, this is not how the last adoption went down. Lila was hidden from us until the moment of unveiling. We thought it was a special treat that we were able to get glimpses of her in the hall. Ellie was just there, sitting with a caregiver feeding snacks to one of the babies she had traveled with. Where was our guide for introductions? Brandon and I kept looking at each other, what do we do? We slowly made our way to her and I knelt down to her and said, "hello I'm mama." She looked at me, looked back at her caregiver who gave a nod yes. She looked at me and said, "mama!" The care giver told her to give me a hug, so she did. Was that our introduction? Where was our defining moment? It was so informal, so casual. I thought the Chinese government was all about official procedures. There was no moment to video tape. Our video of our meeting is a mess. Lots of panning back and fourth, people walking infront of us, and confusion.
Why can I not get over the fact that I never was properly introduced to my daughter? When Braydon was born he was handed over to me in a blue blanket like a expensive bottle of wine. Our journey to Lila was filled with so much excitement and anticipation. She entered the room, we gasped for air. There she was our beautiful daughter. That was the only thing magical about our meeting with Lila. The next 8 hours she screamed and wanted to get as far as she could from us.
I'm not saying our journey to Ellie was not magical, I just think back to our day one month ago and feel mad at myself for expecting something. The one time in both of our adoptions that I actually expected something, and I didn't get it. Good lesson learned.
I do look back at our day one month ago and look at the strides we have all made in our transition. The kids are getting along (like siblings) I'm feeling more love in my heart each day for her. She gets more comfortable with us, her language is coming along great, she is intense, spunky, determined, and ready to try new things. What more could a mom ask for?