6.23.2007

insomnia

I have always suffered from insomnia, so this really isn't anything new to me, or a shock that I'm not sleeping. The actual stress is gone, I truly felt it leave my shoulders. But, I think my body is so used to stress, it now craves it. If there is something to stress or worry about, don't worry I have already thought it or will very soon.



My real concern is with Ellie. I'm so scared for her. What she may be thinking, feeling. Is she excited for a new adventure and wants to leave the orphanage to be with us? What have they told her? Asian culture is strange sometimes in the things they tell children. My mom use to come up with some real winners, as a kid I believed them. One family we traveled with told us one of their daughters was told the family was going to eat her when they got her back to the states.



My next stress is Lila. She has her fears of what it will be like when Ellie is here. She hasn't quite grasped the concept yet. I don't expect her to understand, but none the less I worry about her feeling secure.

Braydon I'm not to worried about, but i did have a dream the other night we lost him in China....I told you I'm crazy.

Brandon, I worry about his sanity with me for a wife.

I worry about the house, Vinny and if I will have a panic attack in China, and putting on a bathing suit, just that topic alone is enough to give me a panic attack. At this rate i will never sleep again. Maybe I should be productive in the middle of the night, instead I lay there listening to my family sleep, wondering all these crazy thoughts.