5.01.2007

Run Forest run!!


I wish I could run like Forest. I feel the need to run until all of my frustration, anger, confusion and hate were gone. I'm sure I could run all the way to China.
Sometimes our adoption journeys feel like you are on a non-stop run. A person finds themselves trying to remain patient, calm and stress free during the wait. All of this talk about start up a hobby, do all the things you can't do when your child is home, take naps, enjoy.....are you kidding? who has time for that crap? sure I could get a few projects done, do some scrap booking, or clean out a few closets, but I find no motivation in doing any of that. I'm too preoccupied in wanting to go to China.
The wait is taking a toll on me. More then I thought. I'm anxious, irritable, unmotivated, and grumpy. I'm doing better then our wait with Lila, but, I'm still antsy.
This is Chinese torture. Show me a picture of this sweet darling little girl, make me jump through all these hoops, tell me she can be my daughter, make me pay fee after fee, make me wait some more, change policies on me, make me wait some more.....I'm seeing a pattern here.
Forest felt the need to run in order clear his head and to find the meaning of life. I on the other hand need to run to clear my head and lose some poundage along the way. Clearing of the head good, poundage...not so good.
Today is one of those mornings, where I don't want to put on my shoes and run. I know I will feel better once I do it, but it really feels like a task today. I would much rather hit the shops and do some retail therapy.
Instead I will just keep on running, both physically and mentally....I'm already exhausted!