3.25.2006

Lost in translation

I think that what I was trying to say is getting lost. I think it is wonderful more people are looking at switching to the SN program, more people should. Maybe it's a sign when the NSN program slowed down, more people would look inside themselves and ask, "can we do this?"
Many of you commented on why does it matter as long as they are getting adopted? It does matter, if they are going to people who are only worried about getting a child with a cute face, funny personality, and non-probematic health issues. I know That I have no control over that (good thing huh?) but, when I hear comments and questions like I have heard the past couple of days it makes me wonder the future of the child that gets placed with people like that. As long as children are getting adopted to families that will love and care for them uncondionaly, that is all that matter in the end anyway. We all have our personal reasons for choosing adoption, no matter what program. It's not NSN vs SN. We are all connected by choosing adoption. We are all family now, like it or not. (more evil laughing here)

My problem is when I'm asked questions like...."Are they all as cute as Lila?", what is a special need that is the least problematic? To me those are not questions that should be coming from someone who is looking out for the best interest of the child. There are other ways of asking these questions without sounding so shallow. Many of you have read my post on "adoption language 101"I posted that shortly after I had a unpleasant experience listening to people talk about adopted children like they were picking out a new car. Referring to the children as "those Chinese children" but that's a whole other topic, I'll try to stay focused.

For those of you that have followed our journey you know that we didn't start out in the SN program. We were requesting a toddler. We were told that we could request it, but more then likely be referred a 12 to 18 month old. We were on pace to be getting our daughter July 2006. I happened to see Lila's picture on our agency website before we were DTC and at that moment knew I needed to know more about that girl. After some long talks with my husband, doctor, Children's hospitals, and friends, we choose to switch to SN. I researched everything I could to find out about Lila's SN. I was online, at the library getting book after book. I must have read more in 2 weeks then I ever have in my whole life. Her condition was just the tip of the iceberg. I had to be thinking not only could this child be sick, but she was a toddler, that is a whole other issue. And add on the fact that we may have attachment issues. I had many sleepless nights. What was I going to do with a sick, unattached, toddler? This was even before we had told our agency that we wanted to switch.

So many things go through your mind, What would we do if she was really sick?, how would we pay for medical bills that insurance would pick up?, are we strong enough as a family to Handel a child with SN?, Are we strong enough as a couple to Handel this?, How would our family and friends Handel this? Are we taking anything away from Braydon my adding a child that could take all of our attention. Again, more sleepless nights.

It's not something to take lightly, but when someone asks are they all cute? I want to go through the roof. Never once did I worry if I was gonna get a ugly baby. Is there such a thing?

I never wanted to wait for Lila, I could never understand why it had to take so long, they had my info, I was approved, why couldn't they just send us to get her? I can only imagine the empty feeling that some couples have during the long wait. Some have waited years, even decades for a child, my 10 month journey is not even drop in the bucket compared to that. I just hope it's not a decisions based on longer wait times, I hope it's a decision based on wanting to love a child, reguardless of what they look like.
Everyone has there own personal reasons for choosing a path that best fits their family. From the start of this blog I told my friends that I was going to be as honest as I could so that people could see the ups and downs of adoption. I never want to candy coat things or make false fronts. This is a whole new experience unlike giving birth. They are the same in some cases, but a world apart in others. Please feel free to voice your opinions on the topics I choose to rant about. Also, remember this is the opinions of one stay at home mom trying to make the best life for her family, and hoping to help others learn the joy of adoption whether it NSN or SN.